To All The Boys I Loved Before...

Wednesday 19 May 2021

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I wanted this to be a song, if I’m 100% honest, but then I remembered that I can’t actually write a song – nor can I actually sing. So I’m doing something that I can do: write.



I fell in love with him when I was 18. Because he smiled and waved at me, in the middle of the crowd. However, no one can forget the time you invited me to watch the film with you, on the first day we ever spoke. Four months later, I come to your event and you spot me. You come over, say hello, and give me a hug. And that’s when I became hooked.

8 years later, I’m sitting here and thinking about it. And I realise, that you only used me for your own ego boost. I was the one that kept speaking your name to all my friends, and I was the one that complimented your work nonstop. To you it was innocent. But to me, I thought we had something. And I was so stupid, to get myself hoping that maybe you liked me too.

Whenever I was down, you’d message me privately and give me compliments. Every birthday I’d get a message from you, wishing I had a good day. However, you were just buttering me up, for your own personal gain.

I wish I could see things back then, with wider eyes. Because it was just a fantasy, and he was never going to be my prize. And just in case you're wondering; I'm still Absolutely Dumbstruck About Manchester.



I fell in love with him when I was 19. I’m older now, and they’re inviting me out to drink with them. He really only invites me, so I can keep his girl company. And if anything, I feel more mature when I’m with them. It’s 6 months down the line, and I realise something. It’s always just us four. And for the first time, my best friend makes me realise, maybe there is something more. I never noticed my green-eyed responses, whenever his name was said. And now, thanks to her, I can’t get him out of my head.

With the same old weekend routine, the drinks are flowing. And there’s something about his new bright eyes that are glowing. All of a sudden, when it’s just me and him talking, I can hear my heart racing. And I find myself alone in my room, pacing. Because surely this isn’t the universe speaking? Telling me that it’s a sign? Maybe The One was always right in front of my eyes?

However, reality hits me hard. When drunkenly asked one night, what about me and him together. The second boy says, they’re not allowed to be together. Forbidden with a heavy heart, I try to hide my feelings. But there’s something about it, that’s got my drunken mouth reeling. She has to listen to me cry, as I lay in bed. And she holds my hand; and tells me it’s not in my head.

7 years later, and I still have a soft spot for you. Because to me, you were and always will be, Mr Right person at the wrong time.




I’m 22 now, and fresh out of my unrequited feelings. I see you every weekday and slowly, I start to find you pleasing. However, because of my social anxiety and my lack of small talk, you’d never know anything about me. And every once in a while, I get the nerve to speak to you, but only online. Then one stupid drunk night, I’m still thinking about boy number 2. Knowing I need to move on, I decide to confess to you. I tell you I like you, and regret it immediately. You tell me you’re flattered, but you’re seeing someone right now.

Numb and red-faced, I pretend it never happened. I still see you at the same place, and my ego is shattered. I stand at the back of the room, pretending I chose to stand there. But the truth is, being near you, was too hard to bare.

4 years later, and I find myself laughing. Because he was just a simple crush and a brand new distraction. It lasted less than 6 months and the shame has gone. Because we had nothing in common, and now your name makes me yawn.




I fell in love with him when I was 23. A work colleague but given a different name. He sends me messages that are suggestive. I reply back, but I can’t help but testing. Because at the end of the day, you were never going to be The One. You were someone who was supposed to be a bit of fun.

But then he’s making comments about their potentially being an us. And even though my hatred for him was thawing, he’s got my head in a fuzz. Because surely, the six foot tall boy, wasn’t who the universe was giving me? Is this what I deserved? Surely this wasn’t meant to be?

3 years later, and your name still makes me mad. Because I let my guard down, and I started falling for you bad. But now I see you’re with someone new, and for once, I’m actually happy for you.




I’m 24 and didn’t learn my lesson. Falling for boy number 3, I of course, fall for the same kind again. However this time, the age is evident. Because he’s immature and acts like a boy. However, he’s got a look of someone I’ll never meet. And for that, I keep him sweet. This time, I actually talk to him. We become friends. But in the end, thankfully, that’s how it ends.

But before this story is over, the green eyed monster did come out again. Because she also showed an interest, and maybe she was meant to be the Barbie to your Ken.

Two years later, and the whole story makes me cringe. Because I wear my heart on my sleeve, and need to learn when to leave.




I’m 26 now and have done something naΓ―ve. I’ve fallen for the brunette boy, with bright blue eyes. He’s got a talent, I could only dream of having. His attention, is something that I’ve been craving. The plot thickens, as this boy doesn’t know I exist. I tell myself its innocent, and not something I’ll persist.

However, he’s starring in my dreams some nights. And I can’t help wondering if it might? Because he’s everything I want in a boy. But this is a daydream, only I can enjoy. Because he’ll never know my name. For this heartbreak, I’m the only one to blame.

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My update using The Body Coach app.

Monday 22 March 2021

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Hello everyone and welcome back! I took a week off writing a blog post, as I had no current ideas, but I'm now back with a new idea! So as you know, I’ve started 2021 with purchasing the Body Coach app. I’m on Cycle 3 now of the Intermediate plan and I’m really enjoying it. I’m not gonna lie, I’m not following the food plan 100%, because I find it really hard to eat that much food in a day. I am under 5 foot, which means I don’t need as much calories, as provided on the app, to actually get my energy levels high. 
However, if you’re reading this and are following the food plan down to a tee; that’s great for you! Everyone is different and everyone works out differently, and that’s what’s so great about this app. (This feels like a sponsored post, but I assure you it’s not!) I try to switch it up every single day, in the sense of which my evening meal contains a refuel meal or a general meal. I do find that because my breakfast and lunches are foods that I create myself, it’s more than likely my evening meal will be a refuel meal on a training day.

I’ve previously done is what I eat in a week blog post, which I will link here now. I’m really tempted to do a what I eat in a day, are used to do this all the time. But I’m not sure if these are interesting, or boring, or anything you’d like to see. So if you could let me know in the comments, that would be great.
For the Intermediate plan, you have 4 cycles I believe. As I said above, I’m currently on Cycle 3. For cycle 1, you didn’t need any equipment at all, it was body weight focused. Cycle 2, is when the plan included weights into your workouts. Now that I’m on cycle 3, once again it is mainly a weight-based work out. However, I only had 4 kg weights, when starting this plan. This is because, at the beginning of lockdown number one, my dad managed to get these for me from his work gym. Apparently I’m a lot stronger than I originally gave myself credit for; as these became way too light, very quickly. I finally got my hands on a pair of 5 kg weights and honestly? It’s made my month. (Yes, I’m that sad!)
As you know, I do have a fitness Instagram page. This is where I post pretty much daily content, where I am honest in my stories and like to share more personal things. If you want to follow me there I will link it here for you. I did create what is called a Reel on there, where I did a quick and brief update on using the Body Coach app. However, as you know, I do like to make it a bit more extended on my blog post.
Hope you’re all well and hope your week turns out to be amazing! I’ll be back next week with a new organisation post, that I even I think it’s going to be a struggle! Bye!
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Starting a new business???

Monday 1 March 2021

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Hello everyone and happy Monday! Brand new week, which I love, and I'm back at work (boo!). I've wanted to talk about this for some time, and am really excited! In 2021, I want to "launch" a small business!

Basically, this all started with myself and Joanne wanting to create Harry Potter prints. However, at the minute, that seems to be at a standstill. And whilst I started coming up with prints for that, I also started creating my own prints! So essentially, I'd have my own print shop, and potentially one with Joanne as well!

I need to figure out how I actually want to print etc. first, and then I can get started on the actual selling part of it! I've created my own prints for my room, and might sell these, but do need to get licensing for one of the fonts first! I want to make sure I'm doing everything legit, before actually selling.During lockdown, I've been looking for a new "hobby" to get started with. Something that makes me feel happy and excited. And overall, making these prints, I really enjoy them. Once I finish them, I send over to my friends and ask if they'd genuinely buy them. Because I do want constructive criticism. I'm also setting myself a goal to sit and successfully learn to draw on there. (Well, trace really!) I've been watching videos, doing research and I'm slowly, but surely getting better at it! If you're interested, please let me know if you'd like more posts on this and I'll also do a video on it too potentially. 

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What I Ate In A Week!

Tuesday 23 February 2021

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Hello lovelies, and happy Tuesday! Hope you're all doing well and the last week was okay! I;m off work this week, as it's my "Birthday Week", and to be honest, I just needed to use my holidays up before the end of the annual working year.

As you might remember, I am really getting into my Fitness Journey this year, and I'm ready to really make a change with myself. This also includes in me pre-planning my meals for the week, using The Body Coach app. So, because I'm trying to be more active on my Fitness Instagram, and thought it would be a fun idea to post reels on there and use all the new features! (Yes, I sound like a true millennial, I'm aware).

And I thought I would break down all the meals and my honest reviews on them. Most of these were from The Body Coach app, apart from one. So here we go!

Monday - Pork Soulvaki 

This was actually surprisingly delicious! Making the sauce/dip, was something that I thought would be difficult, but it proved me wrong. One thing I really hate doing, is touching and messing with raw meat. This recipe definitely included a lot of that. Not really for me, to be honest. However, once you leave it to marinate and then put together in a kebab, it's alright! And I learned how to use the grill for the first time ever! (Don't ask!)

Tuesday  - Spaghetti Bolognese

I really do love a good spag bol, and was pleasantly surprised that I managed to make a good one too! (Who knew following a step-by-step recipe, actually makes something taste right, eh????) I learned that evening, that my dad really loves the dish too, and was chuffed when he said he really enjoyed it! It was supposed to have cheese on it, however I personally wasn't in the mood for it on top of mine. Dad did though, and he liked it.

Wednesday - Philly Cheesesteak

This entire blog post is making me hungry at 7am, but ah well! This is a firm favourite in our house from the app. Every time I ask my dad to choose something for the week, this always comes up as one he wants to eat. Takes 2o minutes to cook (and about 45 minutes to prepare, because some reason, I'm so slow at dicing onions and dicing peppers!) Didn't actually take a picture of this one, because I was in a rush that evening. 

Thursday - Stuffed Peppers

So this was a simple dish, but I also learned I need to stop eating garlic bread. The calories are too high, but if you know any good recipes to make low fat garlic bread - please pass ya girl the recipe. Because I need it. However, this dish was entirely all me. (Not to rain on my own parade, but hey ho!) My dad wanted to use up the mince and make stuffed peppers. So what did I do? Obvs make bolognese-style stuffed peppers. I loved the spag bol so much, I just did the same thing. We usually make stuffed peppers with rice and tuna, thanks to good ol' pinch of nom, so I did my own thing. Turns out, I can actually make stuff up that tastes nice.

Friday - Prawn & Rocket Risotto

This was something I tried a previous week and LOVED. However, it seemed a bit more stodgy this week. Maybe watery is the best word for it??? Either way, still tasted absolutely DELISH! Risotto isn't something either parent particularly likes, however, my dad is the only one who will deal with it and eat it. So my mum won't be having this one with me, any time soon. Also managed to violently stir the risotto near the end of it, and ended up with loads down me. So 10/10 fail for me!

Saturday - Tuna mayo pasta

This is a fave of mine and has been for years. Not sure what I did differently for the first time in 10 years, however I was starving afterwards! Honestly, I was still so hungry, I ate an Asda margharita pizza afterwards. Because it states 75g of pasta and then it's just tuna, I should've probably added something with it, to make it more filling. Ah well! Always next time!

& that's everything I ate in a week! I had a Sunday Roast on (obvs) Sunday, however I was working at the same time, and completely forgot to take a pic/video! So do apologise! Lemme know what food you like to eat for your evening meal below in the comments; and please if you have a healthier garlic bread recipe - send it my way!
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Little Women Book Review

Monday 8 February 2021

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I’m still in a daydream of Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy. And I’m not even sorry about it. I was worried that Little Women would take me ages to get into, like Pride and Prejudice, but thankfully, it didn’t. I fell straight into the characters and the story, and felt all the emotions as I went on. 
It made me wish I had one or more sisters growing up. Instead, I had an older brother, who eventually gave me a sister by marriage. Even though they had nothing, and would always hope not to be poor and to be able to afford nice things; they also taught me that the best things in life are free. And that you shouldn’t take that, and family, for granted. 
Meg taught me that it’s okay to want the husband, the house and the kids. To want to Belem successful and rich, as well as wishing you could follow your dream. But also accepting that it’s not always possible. 
Jo taught me to write. To just write fit myself and for my family. (Which thankfully I already do). That it’s okay to just want to support your family, and to give everything to it. She also caught me that it’s okay to have the fear of not wanting to get old, and for life to change. But to finally accept it when it means happiness for others.
Beth taught me that the world is cruel to even the ones that are selfless and kind. And that it makes no exception to those who would rather to everything for everyone else, for their own happiness; as that’s what makes them happy in life. She taught me that it’s okay to grow out of your comfort zone, but in your own time as well. 
Amy taught me that it’s okay to be selfish and think about only myself. To want better for myself and to fight for what I want, Amy was so self-assured and always wanted to be old than she is. In a way, ironically, I feel that. She taught me that sometimes being out of the know, is sometimes just to protect me. Rather than to spite me.
I finished the book in just under 2 weeks. It would’ve been quicker, had stuff in my personal life not been so hectic and crazy. And with these kinds of books; - Little Women and Pride and Prejudice - I wanted to read the book and then watch the film. I finished the book Thursday evening and watched the film on Friday evening, and it was perfect and exactly how I envisioned it. I laughed, I cringed and I cried. I fell in love, I fell out of love; and I realised that sometimes you can love someone and think it’s everything. But you love the idea of them and it’s not real. However, you can see someone who you’ve known for years again, and it can feel like the first time. 
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How I'm getting my shit together!

Wednesday 27 January 2021

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Hello everyone and Happy Hump Day! I've been feeling super motivated recently, thanks to my new routine, and thought it would only be fair, but to pass on my methods! Because some of my friends wonder how the eff I actually do it, and actually motivate myself.

1. Write a to-do list

The first thing you need to know about me, is I love lists. I'm a massive stationery geek, and love a bit of Typo and Paperchase - not a spon, just a big lover of. So for me, I love to buy notebooks and to-do list pads. I've started doing this more often this week, thanks to Carly Rowena's Instagram Post that she posted - I think - Sunday.
However, this one in particular was from a shop in Leicester, when Phoebe and me went there for our birthday weekend. (We have the same birthday, but a year apart #twinning) And weirdly enough, Joanne got me the exact same one when she went on her holiday. 

I really enjoy sitting down the evening before and writing down everything I need/want to achieve the next day. It gives me an insight on how much I want to get done and helps me plan my day better.

2. Wake up early

Now don't kill us, but waking up early is the best way for me to get my shit together. I start working from home at 8am, when on shift. So for me, I set my alarm for 5:30am. It takes me about 30 minutes, to have a quick scan of any news, answer any messages I've missed from going to sleep around 8:30pm; and to also drink my bottle of water. A tip I've learned from TikTok: make sure you have a bottle of water when you wake up. You've been asleep for around 8 hours. Your body is dehydrated.
Once I've drank my water and forced myself out of bed, I then make my bed instantly. Why? Because then you're less inclined to get back into it. Made your bed? Want to make it a second time? Yeah, didn't think so either. I always make my bed straight away, because the bed sometimes feels like it's calling out to me. Once I make it, I ain't touching it till nighttime. 

Once am up, made the bed and then got dressed, I then workout. Crazy, I know. But here me out! I hate working out after I've worked. Because I'm tired, I'm grumpy, and honestly? I cannot be arsed! So waking up early and getting my arsed dressed and downstairs; I do the workout and then it's done for the day. And working out in the morning, gives you the energy you need for the day.

*    *    *    *    *

I actually have more that I could put down, but thought I'd just give you these two first. Thanks to my bestie, who asked me how the fuck I get up so early, that motivated me to write this post in the first place. 

I'm really enjoying posting on my blog, however since we're in lockdown and obviously can't travel anywhere, I'm keeping it to one post per week. But once Boris let's us leave the house again, I'm going to be doing more interesting blog posts. 
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Pride and Prejudice Book Review

Tuesday 19 January 2021

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This book is the perfect example and mix of enemies to lovers. One could only wish to write something as perfect as the two main characters that is of course, Elizabeth Bennett and Mr Darcy. I will admit, when I first started this book, during Volume One, I found it incredibly hard to get into the process of reading the book. The tone of how it was written and how they spoke in these times, was all new to me. However, I will thank the Netflix series, Bridgerton, as after watching the entire series in under a full day; I was able to understand the language more clearly.
Once I got myself into a routine of how the story was going and understanding the tone of the book, I found myself very addicted to the storyline, to see how it would end. The change of character that is Mr Darcy, as something I really enjoyed and was actually surprised when - spoiler alert - he asked Elizabeth to marry him. (I feel like I'm writing in the tone of the book. However, I've just finished it and wanted to write my review at once).
If it wasn't for watching Bridgerton, I do believe I would've given the book 3 or 4 out of 5 stars. Nonetheless, I really concentrated on the tone of voice and got my head into the correct year that it was set in. As soon as I got to Volume Two, the desire to finish it had begun. It took me longer than I wished it had, but now I'm excited to finally watch the film. Through an Instagram poll, I've decided to watch the 2005 version.
Do let me know your thoughts on this book. If you're considering it, I will warn you that you really need to be in the mindset of understanding an old way of writing. However, it's amazing, so make sure you persevere. 

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Do Not Disturb: I'm Writing A Book! || 03

Friday 15 January 2021

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Hello everyone and welcome back! It's January and I'm feeling super motivated! I'm onto Chapter 6 of my book and it's scary how quick it's being written! I have a notebook, where each chapter has a small briefing, of what each chapter should include.Something else I've done, is put together mood boards for my main characters. If anyone is interested, I made them on Canva. These won't give much away, so enjoy the mood boards!Once I get to Chapter 10, I might give you guys a synopsis on the book, and do a brief overview of the characters. If you're interested, let me know in the comments.

There's just something about this story, that's really excited me. I've also created a writing plan and have been trying to keep up to the plan. I wrote 2 chapters in a week, which I'm shocked about. I'm excited to write constantly.If you're writing a book, please let me know how you structure it, etc. I'm tempted to upload TikToks every once in a while, to update my progress too. 

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It's 2021 and I want a tidy life. || Organisation Diaries #1

Tuesday 12 January 2021

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 Hello everyone and welcome back. Slowly easing myself back into blogging for 2021, and this was supposed to be live on Thursday (7th), and then yesterday, however stuff happens and I was unable to get it written and published in time. Hey ho! This post was supposed to be live months ago, however I decided to make it a 2021 Blog Series instead. It's a New Year, and I need a cleaner room and a cleaner mind.So this was the original before picture, that was the original mess. Thankfully, it's not as bad as this now, but it's still a mess nonetheless. For some reason, the new thing I get in my room, becomes the dumping ground. Which is something I've noticed recently. For example, it's a toss between my desk and my bookcase, which it gets left on. And to be honest, it's really annoying.

This was the most relieved I ever was. I need this back. And I realise how dramatic I'm sounding, however I'm kinda a clean freak. I'm all for Stacey Solomon's "Tap To Tidy's" on Instagram. And at the minute, it's not organised, but I'm going to sort it again.

I'll be doing an organisation series, with different sections of my room, and potentially house too. I just need to plan and organise the blog posts throughout the year. Lucky you!So on Thursday, one of the reasons I didn't originally post this, is how my bookcase looked. And for me, it's a case of accepting what I need ad what I'm just hoarding. Because I am a massive hoarder, I'll admit. But I get it from my dad. (Later on in the year, when I've tidied my room, you'll soon see why.)How do you guys reorganise? Do you have a system you like to use or is it just a case of aimlessly throwing shite away you know you no longer need? I'd love to hear in the comments below, because I deffo need tips! 

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Why 2021 is when my Fitness Journey REALLY begins.

Monday 4 January 2021

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Hello everyone - hope you're well! Happy 2021 and hope the New Year's celebrations were as good as could be! Did we make it all the way to midnight this year, before falling asleep? Yes!

So I've been thinking about this for a while, and think I've cracked the code on why 2021 is going to be the year when my Fitness Journey really begins. It's because I'm finally ready mentally to actually start the journey fully. My body dysmorphia isn't as bad and I'm starting to have a more positive mindset on most things as well as myself. 

This is a picture I took from May 2018, when my mum and I went to see Ed Sheeran in Manchester. And I was very positive about my body. I'm wearing a lace bodysuit underneath my blazer, which isn't something I'd do at the moment. And yes, I really did curl my hair to look old-school. 

However, I do also have to say that 8 months before, I did put this Instagram post on:
@blnx3: So sad that my holiday is over. But I bloody loved every second and 
I was truly honoured to be the maid of honour in such a beautiful wedding.
Here’s a picture of me feeling happy and confident with no care in the world. πŸ‘°πŸΌπŸ€΅πŸ»πŸ’πŸ’•

It's very ironic because I was actually really self-conscious throughout the entire holiday.And my cousin took a picture of me at the beach and ugh. One day, I'll release it. I was going to add it under this section, but honestly, I'm not mentally 100% there yet. But when the end of 2021 hits, I'll consider it.

But I'm going to be using my Fitness Instagram more this year, as well as this blog. I'm going to be posting a blog post once a week, or maybe twice, because I have a lot of different post ideas, but they do need separating because they're quite similar.

My 2021 New Year Resolutions, that I posted on my Instagram last week are:

And I'm adamant to ensure that I get these done this year. Because I am sick and tired of always putting myself down for no goddamn reason.

So Happy New Year and let's hope this year is a lot better than last year's shitshow! Let me know in the comments below, what your 2021 New Year Resolutions/Goals are!
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