Dear Diary; Please forgive me, for I have sinned.

Thursday 7 June 2018

I think that because in the past, writing in my diary was classed as a form of therapy for me; I think is why I've been putting it off. Because of my mental health, and how overthinking makes my emotions turmoil, I think is why I've been avoiding it. However, whenever I get the need - the want, to write in my diary, there’s almost a voice inside my head that tells me not to. Almost dares me, at the same time. And I don’t know why it is. My diary is a safe place. It’s my little book of thoughts and emotions written down, for just me to read. What am I scared of?

I think overall, it’s the old worry from my old job, that maybe someone will read it. A family member, a friend if they see it. Curiosity is everywhere, and you never know. I once caught my dad reading some lyrics I’d written in there. As soon as I did, I called him out on it. He apologised instantly, as he wasn’t aware it was my diary. He thought it was just a notebook with lyrics on. And my dad is one of my biggest supporters when it comes to anything creative. Whether that be editing or writing. He just wants me to follow my dreams. 

Especially last year, when my mental health was constantly up and down, there was this assumption in my head; that if I didn't write it down in my diary, it didn't happen. And I think that's mentally still my thought process. But I should be writing everything down. Because when I'm older, I know I'll want to read back of everything that happened.

I'm slowly on a journey to both love myself, and love my diary again. (Two different journeys - one important and one not so important???) Well, that's what other people think. My diary is something that has always been one of those things that I love having with me. Almost like a comfort blanket.

It sounds silly, but life just sometimes gets in the way. And I feel like, if I want to get something done sometimes, I need to set myself reminders. And it does sound silly. It should be the last thing that I do. Like vlogging, I want to look back at my entries and feel like I'm there all over again.

My love for writing in a diary originated from a British TV Show called My Mad Fat Diary. (If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it!) That show is how I met both Phoebe and Joanne. I was so good 2014-2016 writing in a diary. So I need to get back on it! It's June now, and I feel like I've barely written in it. 

Do any of you guys write a diary, Bridget Jones or Rae Earl style? What kind of diaries do you write in? Is it a daily diary like Bridget? Or is it just a random notebook like myself and Rae? Let me know in the comments below.

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